I am, admittedly, a snob and care a lot [sometimes excessively] about manners et al. More so, when I am having a groggy day or I am just plain irritated. No, I'd not say anything outwardly but my face twitches and winces involuntarily.
But, there are days when my self acclaimed sophistication goes blank and it completely bemuses me. I start to wonder if it was indeed me who behaved in a certain way. Rather, some times, I am clueless about any form of manners and I suddenly feel the rub of being civilized or partly uncivilized or roughly uncivilzed.
One such experience is what happened yesterday.I was at the doc for a check up and this person is the assistant professor of Medicine at college.[Medicine being my fave branch, I am naturally a bright talent(atleast I pass off such impression) in the department and therefore I have a good rapport with the entire staff.] So, I walk over to his clinic and wait for him. I see him entering his cabin and I just smile[NO wish, nothing! After a few seconds I am like, good morning sir- this at 7:30 in the evening!]. He asks me to come in and I sit across and reel about the problem. After this is over he fixes an appointment with the consultant sonologist of the hospital and since the appointment was a few mins away he chats up until then. We discuss several things and my talk is conspicously free of any form of respectable addressing. Then we go over to the cabin of the sonologist. Here, the prof takes the lead and introduces me to this doctor who is also the head of the hospital.
Prof: Doctor, this is my pet student Rukhiya. She's the one I was asking you to screen.
[Turns to me]. You know this is Doc XXXXXXXX.
I nod my head in disagreement! I don't know the person,I've never heard/seen him before and my reflex goes nude and I nod to mean, no, I don't know!
As bad luck would have it, the doc saw me nodding. :S
Then on the table he asks me questions [one real disadvantage of being a medico is you are not spared the viva voce even on the operating table. So if you have a problem, you better diagnose it yourself , hold a bunch of differential diagnoses and study everything there is to know about it, if possible also brush up a related topic before you present yourself to a doc!] and I did not know how to answer from such an uncomfortable position :/
After this , he walks out of the room to his cabin & my prof asks me to take the other common exit out of the room. The fix here was whether I should go back and thank the sonologist first and then thank my prof or run to the prof's cabin assuming my talk would do for a thank you to the sonologist(also assuming that it'd be overly sweet/unnecessarily sticky to go the sonologist and give a huge thank you when he has 4 patients already waiting upon him). I had to act quick and I first got out of the room and went to the prof's cabin. When I enter , I goof up his conversation with another doc I know. I was caught between two docs I know and had to make it clear how I know each of them. Bah! Then I was asked to wait for a while outside [I clearly remember my prof saying this!]
In the waiting room, stranded and caught in all my confusion I was still considering going back to the sonologist and thanking him. I thought it was awkward of me to not do that first and if I went now, I'd make it even worse. All this was killing me and the day's running about and studying had already taken a toll on me.
Half an hour passes and I let the other patients go in first. At 9:30 I finally go in and my prof says:" You're still here? ". This particular moment I wanted to kill myself / kill him. What does he mean you're still here? Of course I am, he asked me to. I say : "Yes sir". Then he goes : "But why? ". Now, I am all red and my face is awfully transparent . Concealing with all effort I say:"Umm,Sir, I thought I'd thank you before I leave". He says:" Oh, Rukhiya, skip the formalities." Yeah right! But now? . Then he says: "Oh and by the way, don't worry much theres no problem we could detect yet, stay cool, things will be fine". I tell you if he hadn't said this much I would've gotten so $#^% at him!
As though all these goof ups were not enough when I exit the room I forget to pull the door along behind me. The consequence? It shuts with a large thud!
Sigh! If I were outside myself and was watching all this, I would've despised myself like hell.
Where? Oh, Where are my manners?
Disclaimer: The above post in no way means I am sophisticated always. I can be groggy, uncivilzed or more shrewd than the lowest creature on the planet. It's all in the day.