Now, I think most of my posts shall be titled 'blah, blah' since I really don't think I make so much sense in a soliloquy,which is totally for myself. I was wondering what is the one thing I hate the most. I knew it had to do something with an emotion I totally loathe and since I was in a situation recently I know exactly what I hate, at least one of the things I totally hate. And that is 'helplessness'. There is not a feeling that can beat this one. It sort of paralyzes you. Its so numbing , more so because in such a situation you cannot garner help from yourself, because it requires a third person, a person outside your body to look through, pick it up and alter it or address it. I am this person who will never ask for help, howsoever badly I may need it.And that in a matter of emotion I would never ever do. Silence, at times, is so lethal a mask. It seals your mouth and blocks your eyes, and no one seems to hear your voice or read from your eyes. And you are left hoping! A hollow hope is such a futile crop. Its almost like a fibre, which adds bulk and no proper nutrients/ carbs [erm that is the aftermath of too much community medicine, but yes, I imagine it that way!]. The trouble is to 'explain' to someone, trying to make them understand, then take help [EEW!]. To go against your own set of morals/rules is so hurting and painful. Erm, I'd rather not bring the feeling back. Not even to ruminate.
I fear another such incident , it drains me so! But as of now I am glad I am out of it ! Touchwood!